Today’s topic is so real and dearly close to my heart that it could almost step outside of this screen and take a seat right next to you and give you a great big “IT’S OKAY” mom hug!
I’m there right with you- 3 teenage boys that live life boldly and confidently in a world that shudders at a small sound has left a quaking tremor in a world that proclaims timidness and conformity as hallmarks to order.
This in fact has been the foundation of many of our authoritative systems including our school system, government and health care.
Numb and dumb- a multi-billion industry that has taught us how not to feel and only feeds on other people’s life stories of success and failures for the sense of our own.
Perfection can feel like a knife most often in your own hands, but sometimes you allow others to hold you to it.
Or it can feel like a chain, a lie or a thief that will rob you of your very life if you let it.
So then where do we find the balance between discipline and self development and progress?
Choice Parenting is something I picked up collectively from resources, including my own father, Brene’ Brown and Paul Tripp to name a few, which basically gets to the heart of the matter. If I choose/ do this…. then I choose/get that?
It leaves the choice in the hands of the one who will ultimately have to learn how to make every choice on their own.
This is where confidence is forged.
While some will 100% disagree with me on this, my husband and I decided in the very beginning our parental duty was to train and raise adults, not kids.
We gave them choices early on 2-3 max, in which to learn how to exercise their ability to think, evaluate and choose.
Did they always choose how I would? Absolutely not.
Do they still “fail”? Well yes… (especially according to the world’s standards of education)
Are they learning who they are, who others are and how the world turns? Absolutely!
They are self aware, emotionally intelligent and spiritually awakened to the truth and lies that so often get covered up in the name of education and enlightenment.
Examples:
Clothes
- Ages 2-5: 2 outfits laid out on the floor at night- you choose but you choose.
- Ages 5- 15: you choose your outfit, I confirm your choice
- Ages 16+: you buy your clothes.
Food
- Ages 2-5: you must try everything but you can choose what you prefer to eat more of (within reason)
- Ages 5-15: you help plan and prepare meals. Is that the best choice for your energy and excitement for life?
- Ages 16+: you grocery shop and help supply food for the family.
Relationships
- Ages 2-5: You have 1 of 2 choices, if you choose A, then…. And if you choose B, then….
- Ages 5-15: You can decide to do that but if you do these will be your consequences. Or you could…
- Ages 16+: If you choose to share what you are going through I will listen, if you choose to keep it secret it will seep out…..
Love with kids is spelled – T.I.M.E.